Existential Rapex

I should purchase
A spiked sheath condom
And shove it down my throat.

Maybe then,
Life will stop raping me
Right in the mouth.

On the Wind

I am a bird.
As I soar on sparking wings
I set the heavens on fire.

Everything
That you have only dreamt of,
Everything
You hoped to build on,
Is burning and cast down
In my whirling whiskey wake.

I am an effigy
Of a man you never knew.
Twisted and contorted
Smoldering.
The crowds gather around
And they scream for
Murder.

The wind from beneath
Is lifting.
Hot drafts plucking me
From the flames and
Licks of hate.

I am only
A smoking silhouette in the sky.

I am becoming
Rags picked up in the wind
As wings
And carrying all my disuse
Into the incinerator.

For the Love I'll Never Touch

It's been a year now
Only wanting for a few days.
And I want for those days with you.

But the days that I have
Are only made up of
Paltry hours in which I fear,
That while I still breathe,
I'll accomplish things that will
Amount to less than useless
Especially when compared with
What you could do with them.

I can't believe
Its been a year since,
You spun out
Became broken
Faded.
Then maybe,I sometimes think
That when your cousin told me
In silent typed words that
I became less vital.
In an instant more pale
Than you.

I remember drunkenly wailing
That I'd never grow from this
I refused to-
Would never build myself
On a foundation
Of my grief for you.

I recall meeting your friends.
Some of them,
Not all of them of course
You knew far too many people.
I really don't know how you
Remembered their names.
Maybe you didn't
Pretty girl like you-
Maybe they didn't care
Or notice
That you never used
Their proper nouns
When you spoke to them
Only cared
That you did, speak to them.

And of course your friends,
The ones I met
Are nice people, rather
Reasonable and kind
But they aren't you
And I'm not sure if
I'd ever want anyone
To be you.

Because right now my dear
You are ash.
I take some comfort
In knowing that,
Because your beauty can
Never wilt
And losing you, I fear
Has made me wither
At the edges.

Just the same
In a few days,
I'll raise a drink or three for you
Raise it high and it'll be
Something good, I promise.

You know I never told you but I
Loved you
More than I should have
More than was smart
Hell,
More than you probably would have liked.

Just the same,
Here's looking at you
You fucking magnificent giant.

Winter Licking Lips

Little bits of ice
That hang softly in my beard
Make pleasant cold drops

It Begins Again

Grit teeth fantasies
Of dirt and blood and deeds
That I am too small a man for.
Not Fast
Or strong enough to accomplish.

Even when I think of you
Of happy settings
Endings
And finishes

If you catch my meaning,

Its always fleeting
Melding merging
Into something cacophanous
With illusory cannon shell
Dirt and a scream
That could be my own
As I see your piercing eyes
Falling into dust debris.

Its a marked increase though,
That in my mind
I am no longer a victim
With his head
Under a train wheel.

Still,
I rarely win these
Death flashing
Shadow dances.
But now at least I meet it
With steel brandished
And my teeth
Buried into the neck of life
As it runs me through.

Cue fire
Silence
And then another morning
Movement.

It begins again.

Waves

I sprang forth once
And I dance,
I spread a song before me.
I see,
Learn and love.
And now as I walk
Among and through the rows
Of dreamless sleepers
Knowing that someday I will
Stop my singing, maybe even
On a sour note.
But the song will go on
Even when someday
Every tongue like mine
Goes still
Cold and then
Turns to atomic ash.

Another refrain then,
From somewhere else
A distant voice
Once more
And again.
Hundreds, thousands
Spread across a chorus so wide
In time and distances
That it boggles my mind,
But not the music.

And they'll continue singing,
Till the bits that make me
You
And everything,
Slow down
Stop their dance
Sit down
And spread out as far as they can
Across everything.

Till then,
The song will continue
With someone,
Something,
Everything singing itself to sleep.