Drunk Ramblings

Its a bloodbath between
My ears
And I fantasize about
Some noble whatever
Grand stands and
Hopeless struggles.

But really
It all ends up
Sad, quiet
And with voided bowels.

There is no grand majesty
Only the plain
Ugly and regular excetions of
Humanity.

I think I like that better.

Memory Box

I pulled the box
The past on paper.
A stack of books
Reports and coloured
Pictures in crayon.

Smiles behind
vacant eyes

He never imagined this

He had no conception

Naive words from a naive boy

Like any boy
Any girl

The past embarasses
Because the present confused us
And now we don’t know why.

Little Lady

Easy she’s so genuine
And grins ear to ear.
I lose myself in that smile.

Bon Voyage!

She was there
Saying all the things I
Loved to hear but dropping
Him
And him
and him
And those that
Scamper underfoot

She was there
Her skin
Eyes
All of the things I
Wanted

Right there

Right

There

I told her
Reach for the happy
Hammered it because
Fuck
I want her to have it
Because
Fuck
She doesn’t have it now.

I said I thought she was
Kind of fantastic
Looked at her with my blues

She said she loved me

I said I loved her too

Every muscled screamed
Right from the soul of me.
A great goddamn mouth opened up
At the core of me
And howled for
Her

But I couldn’t do it
Couldn’t lean over and
Steal a kiss

She isn’t his
She isn’t fucking
Property
But she isn’t worth
Ruining the person I am
In the arms of betrayal.

So now I’m alone
She’s gone and I’m
Left scribbled a fucking poem
Instead of maybe fucking a woman
That I love.

What's Up Chuck?

Bukowski I read your words
And they echo through me,
Vibrate my bones and chatter in my teeth.
I have to fight channeling
Your voice in my own
But sometimes I really don't
Want to at all.

You were a magnificent
Scumbag.
For all your drinking
Fucking fighting
And staring at the ceiling
During hung mornings,
You echoed the emptiness
In all of us
That most of us
Just won't admit.

I wonder what it'd sound like...

I think of you when
everything else is still and silent
and I've nothing else left to
Distract me.

I wonder if you know.
Of couse you do. I am a boar, I
feel with my sleeves and scream from
mountain tops.

Just the same I imagine
The words, the speech- finally saying
something, anything at all to you that
actually matters.

I can't actually remember
what your perfume smells like or if
you actually wear any but like your reaction I
Imagine it.

You in my arms, the words
Whispered under breathe, my lips
matched to your thin lips, my arms around your
thin waist.

What an image.

But I am silent, the lessons taught
By her spinning and becoming nothing
More than ash have not been learned and I am
A coward.

Type type type and
Tell me more.
Tell me more.

I

I am
I simply am, as I float here wherein,
The hours have once again ran away from me and
the only proof of me for my eyes,
Is the illuminated movements of pale stubby fingers across
Keys as these words appear before me to answer
That calling I had and the word prompt that never
Fucks off in my head.

I am
I simply am as wind runs
Through my nostrils and tickles me.
The hair that is much too long
In there is rustled and dances.
I reach in, yank and check for length. (Charmed yet?)
The wind outside my window rocks
A dying tree and the lightning crashes-
Flash flash and darkness greater after.

I am
I simply am as I see my mother cry and
She curses and weeps and yearns to
Pass all that has been heckling her.
The needs she feels and the hugs
and the hugs and I realize that
I can do nothing to help how she feels that
She isn't the woman she used to be.

She still is, and I hope to hell she realizes it.

I am
I simply am naked desire.
There is no thought in it and
I am lacking for direction.
I merely want. I want you I want her and
I still want her and all the other things that cannot
ever be. Sighed apologies and excuses and excuses
The screeching of tires and time ticking
Through my teeth,
I need and I crave and wish to
Tear life apart and shove it and every other
burnt and bloody bit down my throat.

I am
I simply am when we fuck and I am
inches from your face and I can
taste your sweat on the air
but you are a hundred miles away from me
even as I am inside of you.
I want to push in further than paltry inches
and collapse into your body or push you into mine
But there is nothing to be done for it
and even as we are so close and as
intimate as can be
We are still alone
We are always alone
and there is nothing to be done for it.

I am
I simply am.